So you’ve said your vows, exchanged rings, and walked back down the aisle to cheers from your friends and family. Now it’s time to party. Time to drink, dance, hug, toast, and, yes, cut the cake. Now comes one of the defining moments of your new marriage, and a momentous decision must be made. Shall I take this piece of delicious pastry and daintily place it into my partner’s mouth, or should I smear it with abandon across their face?
Ah, the cake smash…
It’s been cited as one of the primary predictors of divorce at a wedding. It has ruined untold hair and makeup jobs. And yet, it remains one of the most enduring of all wedding traditions. Why? Probably because on a day full of formality, ceremony, and adulting, the cake smash introduces a bit of childlike fun and good-natured pranksterism into the picture. And it can make for some hilarious photos.
But before you go smearing that sweet sticky goop all over your spouse’s face, you might want to take a few things into consideration, because your actions at the cake cutting say a lot about your respective personalities, your relationship, and how you’ll handle similar situations in the future. So it’s worth at least giving it a little bit of thought.
Let’s explore a number of cake-sutting scenarios:
1) Playing Nice:
Tried and true, this scenario is as old as the tradition of cake cutting itself. Holding the knife, hands embracing, you and your betrothed cut a slice out of the wedding cake, break it in two, and each feeds the other, kindly, respectfully, and neatly. You then kiss for the audience and for the camera, and the rest of the cake is cut up and passed around to the guests.
To the pranksters among you this might seem excruciatingly boring, but in my experience, it’s all about the little things. A “nice” cake cutting can be full of drama; all you have to do is look at the body language and the eyes of a couple opting for the no-frills approach. I’ve sometimes felt myself tear up when watching two people lovingly, caringly, respectfully feed each other in this way. That’s a relationship you can see lasting long into old age. Occasionally one or both of the spouses will dab a bit of icing on the other’s nose, just to be a little bit playful. But a nose-dab is easily enough wiped off, and again, if done with love and tenderness, it’s more a gesture of affection than humor.
2) The Double-Smash:
Begins the same as #1, but just as the respective pieces of cake are about to make contact, both partners — sometimes with a a barely-perceptible eye-signal — proceed to simultaneously smash each others’ face with cake.
The Double-Smash is always a crowd-pleaser. It shows a couple that like to have fun together, that don’t mind getting dirty together, that have a shared sense of humor and comic timing. It doesn’t matter whether it was planned or spontaneous; as long as both parties give as good as they get, and both at the same time, it’s always a kick to watch.
3) The One-Two Smash:
Again, begins the same, but one partner opts to get the first smash in. In a split-second, the other responds, often with a revenge smash that threatens to erupt into an all-out food-fight. These tend to be the most dramatic cake smashes, with full-arm extensions, flying bits of icing, and, occasionally, a broken nose. If you want to see some YouTube videos just to see how far some couples will take this one, it would be well worth your time.
The One-Two Smash is all about timing and attitude. It can be very funny, or just a bit menacing. If less than a second elapses between the first smash and the return volley, and both partners are laughing and obviously having a good time, then these can be hilarious to watch. If, on the other hand, the first recipient skips a beat, possibly gets a little riled, and then slams back with an ever-so-slightly-violent return smash, then things can get a little uncomfortable. I’ve even heard couples arguing after this kind of cake smash. So, just a word to the wise: If you have any doubt that your spouse is on the same page with you here, it’s probably best to discuss it beforehand, and then, if you value your relationship, to respect your mutual decision and not try to show off in front of your friends. Remember who this wedding is for, and what it’s about.
4) The Single-Sided Smash: In this scenario, one partner opts to smash the other with cake, while the other partner smiles stoically and takes the smash without giving back in kind. I’ve seen this from both sides of the gender divide, though in either case, it’s a rather uncomfortable scenario to witness. To me it always reads that the smasher bears a certain disrespect for the smashed, though there can obviously be a wide variety of dynamics at work. Maybe the one who opts not to smash is just a little more inhibited, and their partner was fully expecting to get smashed back. Maybe there are passive-aggressive currents running through the relationship. In any case, my recommendation would be that if you find yourself the recipient of a smash you didn’t expect, you really ought to smash back. Not violently, not angrily, but with a smile on your face and with just enough cake on theirs to satisfy a quid pro quo. Otherwise it just gets uncomfortable: one of you looks like an ass, and the other looks like a tool.
I’ve spoken to plenty of couples who have actually discussed beforehand how they were going to handle the cake-cutting. Usually this is done to prevent the smash. Perhaps the bride doesn’t want her makeup or her dress to get ruined, and implores the groom to take the dignified route. Or perhaps neither couple happens to be the kind of person to smash cake in their partner’s face, so they both agree to be polite.
It’s not necessarily something you need to adhere rules to. Obviously the fun of the cake smash is that those watching are never sure which way it’s going to go. Often during a cake-cutting, a crew of drunk fraternity brothers or high school friends will start chanting, egging the couple on to smash cake. For entertainment value, it really can’t be beat. But the most important thing to remember is that this entire ceremony, this entire day, is a celebration of the love, respect, and commitment you have for your betrothed. So before you get carried away thinking about garnering a few laughs from your friends, just make sure that you know how your newly minted wife or husband feels about the whole thing. Because long after the moment has passed and your friends have forgotten all about it, you’re going to have to answer to your spouse, and you don’t want the rest of your life starting off on a bad foot.
